Why is Everything so HEAVY?

Ever heard the expression “Your emotions get the best/worst of you?” I’m sure you have and always wondered how you can control them to not go so far deep into a depression and scare off your loved ones. There’s a new song that I have now gotten attached to by Linkin Park called “Heavy” featuring Kiiara and that song talks about your deepest darkest inner-demons you battle and face all the time. Whether it be a loss of someone close to you, human or a pet; a fight with friends and family that lead you to breaking it off; a struggle in your daily life. You always have to remember that fear and depression are not the answer. Shed some light by speaking out to someone to get you out of the dark and into the light of happiness.

Depression is a cruel evil master that not only grips your mind and makes you doubt your sanity, but it takes your heart as well and makes you feel as if you are unworthy of good and pure love. What I’ve learned over the years is that you have to fight the darkness with the light and make sure that you don’t go down a dark path of hatred and guilt that someone could have saved you, and you turned your cheek and you chose to ignore them. Through the hardest times I’ve turned to others for help when I needed it the most and they helped me get out of the darkness and into the light.

I have been going through a lot of things in my personal life that have affected me deeply and it’s taken a toll on my health and emotional levels. I have had some attempts to go to my dark place and never wanting to get out. I have had some people being dishonest with me by not speaking about issues that I might have caused or brought up to their attention from my/their past and it has affected me deeply because that includes being open and trusting so we can keep the peace and live our lives on good terms.

If people were to let go of their bad sides and focus on the good, a lot of good can come out and they won’t have to fear that someone is out to get them and they can be at peace.  A dear friend of mine, Adam Gontier, once told me that it’s always best to find that one person who you can confide in to talk about your issues to show them that you are not alone in this world and that every human being and pet have their bad days. We are all in this together and we all have to realize that no one is perfect in this world.  We all go through things in our daily lives and struggle daily to stay alive.

I recently have had a loss in my family who has been with me for the past 14 years (my dog Lewis) and it has been the most difficult process I had to go through with my family. We didn’t want to see him suffer and it was time for him to be at peace and be with my other dog Kayla who passed away a few years ago. I am a pet lover and thankful to have been with these 2 and now my adorable cat Yoda who has been in my life for 3 years and fortunate enough to have bonded with Lewis.

I’ve always told myself that instead of turning to drugs and alcohol, I use my music and creative talents to good use, and I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to, and the end results are priceless. It’s hard for me to open up to new people at first, but once I’ve warmed up to them about a fun topic that I admire, I can strike up conversations and people have to stop me from talking so much. I’m not really into being with a large group of people, but show me any type of creative thing like music and anything artistic, I have my full attention and it’s such a heartfelt feeling to remember and put a smile on my face.

I guess what I’m tying to say is that no matter how life is and how hard things may get for you, make sure to pick up the pieces on the floor and sweep up the negative away forever, and people will see a huge change in your attitude and appearance. Trust me, going back to what I previously mentioned about things from my past experiences in my life I went through, I have gone through so much that I now know who I can trust completely and those that I can call my family and friends because we understand each other.

One day when I have the courage to fight my own battles, seek the light instead of darkness and I will be more at peace with myself. Instead of going to waste money on a therapist who thinks they know the answers to my problems, which they don’t, I rather put all my focus on my writing, music and devotion to those who want to see what goes on in my daily life. Writing about what I love and those who have helped me along the way are what get me by to be alive. I’m so honored and grateful to have such awesome people in my life that their names won’t matter because they have imprinted on my heart and thank you is not enough to say it to them.

My world is brighter and more beautiful because of all of you. The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. LASTLY ONE FINAL THING TO SAY:

Thank you ALL for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever!!!

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CH-CH-CH-CHANGES!

Welcome everyone to 2017, or already 3 months in to March. What a crazy beginning of 2017 I’ve had so far. This is definitely a year of changes from home, school and personal things going on in my life. Without the support I’ve been getting through my difficult times, I wouldn’t be where I am today. The late David Bowie wrote a great song called “Changes” and there’s a lyric in his song that struck me and something that I can truly relate to. “A million dead-end streets; And every time I thought I’d got it made;
It seemed the taste was not so sweet”

I think what that means to me is that no matter where you are in your life, there will ALWAYS be some dead ends and loopholes that you have to try getting out of and find the ones who can motivate and inspire you to do great things and keep you going strong. The ones who have done that to me recently are all the guys in Art of Dying: Cale Gontier, Cody Watkins, Jonny Hetherington, Tavis Stanley and Adam Gontier (cousin of Cale and in a kickass band Saint Asonia). I do have more to name but you know who you are. All of you have changed me in ways that I still can’t explain. You have opened me up to new horizons, told me that no matter what I’m going through to never quit, keep a strong head on my shoulders and always push away the negativity. I always found that music soothes the savage beast in all of us no matter what we need it for. I use music to escape, drown out my sorrows and worries and let it take me to places far away and just be.

I am going through the most difficult change right now going back to school after over 10 years and went into a trade program Hotel Reception back in September,2016 and I’m already 3/4 finshed. I had some hard times getting through a few modules and I wanted to give up entirely on it. Someone really close to me told me to never give up and finish what I started. I had my doubts and wanted to just run away from my problems and let someone else take care of them for a change. He said to me that he has faith in me to continue and he’s been inspired by me to go back to school and be something greater to make a better career out of it. I have now gathered up the courage and built up some strength to go all the way and see the “light at the end of the tunnel” which means school and to feel proud of my accomplishments.

My all-time favorite lyrics I love quoted by Art of Dying and Saint Asonia are “If it takes forever, I will DIE TRYING”; “If I can Get Thru This, I can Get Thru ANYTHING”;  “I am doing the Best I Can, with EVERYTHING I am, don’t you know NOBODY’S PERFECT” “I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but I can finally breathe again, Life’s too short, the day’s too long,In the end I knew it all along” and lastly “Let me live my life, I can go get my knife, or I can pull out the one that you stuck in my back”. 


All of these amazings lines have touched me in different ways. I mean come on, if you think logically, we all interpret what it means to us right? These amazing bands and artists are sending messages to their fans that there is nothing perfect in our worlds. We all screw up and we all have our flaws. I have not met one person who had everything handed to them on a silver platter and asked for more and had a perect life because there is no such thing as perfect. We all work hard for what we want and never give up until our time is up. Changes are either a great thing, or a bad thing, depends how you see it.

I, for one am now seeing my changes progress and I evolve every second of every day to make sure that I don’t get lost along the way and have my peers keep me grounded and secure. I don’t realize this enough but I take nothing for granted. I am a hard-working individual, I make mistakes, yes I worry at times about what my future holds, but that’s what makes me who I am. If we didn’t have doubts and worries in our lives, what would make us question things and have to search for answers? It would be too easy to have things given to you right? I know I wouldn’t like that since I am a strong-willed person who has the mind of a more mature person that I am now in my 30s.

If I didn’t have all this chaos going on right now, I would be very lost and be stuck wondering what would be going on in my life, had I not gone back to school, met some awesome people and start living the life I want to live and forget about everything bad thrown my way. People who have gotten to know me call me an inspiration and my words of wisdow have broaden their horizons to do great things. I don’t say it enough but THANK YOU for the ones who say it to me.

Lastly I want to leave you on this to think about. No matter what struggles you are all going through and think of going to the bottom and giving up on EVERYTHING, ask your self these questions, 1:Can you name one person at the top of you head who has made an impact on your life? 2:What was that impact/how did it affect your thoughts? 3: If you can tell that person some excellent words of wisdom that was passed on to you, what would you tell them?

I’ll leave this quote that I found perfect to end up this first blog of 2017. “Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.”

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Criticism in the Music Industry!

“Music, when combined with a pleasurable idea, is poetry; music, without the idea, is simply music; the idea, without the music, is prose, from its very definiteness.”

Edgar Allen Poe

 

I have always been curious as to what goes on in the music industry and how a band or artist writes their songs based on their emotions. What I love about that is how much work and effort they put into writing just one song and show it to the world, so that others out there can take a listen and see what it was like in their shoes going through this process. I, for one am a huge creative person, and now that I am an aspiring musician, I have carefully been listening to music that I love and critiquing it and pinpoint out what the artist felt in his/her time while making it and putting my own spin on it.

I would never copy what someone else has done but it’s always great to hear feedback from others on their own work to get inspired. I am fortunate to have a few musical inspirations in my life who have helped me get out of my shy bubble I’ve always been in and start living the life I want to live and inspire others in the future. They are Adam Gontier, formerly of Three Days Grace and now Saint Asonia, and Amy Lee of Evanescence. They each have done something to me that has changed my ideas in my life to make something better of myself and get noticed in the public eye.

One thing about the music industry that has stuck a chord with me is criticism. It’s great to give out your opinion(s) on the song(s) or album the artist releases, but in all fairness, the artist/band has worked their asses off to take years to make one album, changing every little detail on something that didn’t feel right the first time they recorded it in studios, could have been because they were sick, not in the mood, having a bad day about something that bothered or affected them, and then once the happiness kicks in, you know damn well that the next take will be worth every penny. Harsh music criticism has a way to toy with musicians emotions and makes them wonder if they did a great job the first time around, or is it too late once their albums have been released to do a “do-over”. They give it 110% and know that once all their songs have been finished and the manager is satisfied with it, they will release it.

The way I see music is you either love it or hate it. Everyone is entitled to what makes them feel different emotions, but at the end of the day, music soothes the savage beast. In some ways, we all associate our every day lives with music. As much as we want to deny it, it runs through our veins and bloodstream. You don’t have to be extremely creative, but, in a way, you can go to a concert and either have your moneys worth and tell others it was amazing and should recommend seeing the band/artist, or say it was awful and unfortunately can’t get your money back but give negative feedback.

I know that through my entire life, I have NEVER been disappointed from any concert and/or musician I have seen and been in physical contact with them through meet&greets and say that it was a terrible experience and never want to see or hear them again. I am my worst critic but have never revealed what I think of the song or album the artist has done, because not only am I being unfair to them, but to myself for trying to force myself to enjoy it. I dislike critics who think they know every single thing about an artists life and say mean things about how they can do certain things the way they want and manipulate and dissect their brains, but try being in the artists shoes for once and see what goes on their daily lives.

Artists are just like everyday people, yes they make more money than others, they get to travel the world like everyone else, and they have same chores as regular people, but it’s not what counts. What counts is that they have 2 separate lives to withhold. They leave their “normal” minds while touring for months, and once they wrap that up and go back home, it’s like they forget what they did when they had a “life back home”.

To end this criticism blog, I will leave all you non-musicians with one thing to think about. If you were the artist and had been hassled with constructive criticism by the media, how would you handle it?

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The World as I know it!

Ever wonder what marks our time here on earth and wonder what purpose we have? I ask myself that question all the time!

Someone close to my heart told me that whatever you want in life, make sure you work hard at it and you will see amazing results. There will be negative people trying to tear you apart and break down your walls, but at the end of the day, it’s your decision on what YOU want.

Fate has a funny way of playing tricks on your mind in trying on focusing on what’s in front of you. Life is short and we should live each day as if it were on purpose. Do what YOU want to do, take risks, just don’t get caught by law enforcement.

I have 2 important people close to my heart that have helped me break out of my shell and go after my dreams that I have been so scared to do so, but they have both been so supportive of me and telling me not to give up, no matter what.

I remember in my 20s that things would be so challenging in my life, and I would try to accomplish everything I set my heart to do before my 30s, and I’ve done a pretty great job at it so far. Now that my 20s are over and I am 30, I see things differently wherever I am, people I see, places I go, things I do, and I definitely see a huge change in how they all act towards me.

The only 2 passions I hold dear to my heart are music and creative writing. I can be in a room anywhere, close my eyes and I am in another world full of imagination and it’s awesome. I have been playing the acoustic guitar since mid-February until present time, and since I was always afraid to learn something new, I have had a great teacher, Tavis Stanley (from Art of Dying) teach me the ropes on doing songs we both love and taking a spin on some classic and blues tracks, which I am very fond of.

I’ve always been told that to succeed in something, you have to start from the bottom, and work your way up. Once you get to the top, the results will be endless and you will be a very happy person. For sure there will always be obstacles and challenges to face, but once you overcome all of your worries and fears that you have been keeping hidden inside, you won’t know what hit you between the eyes.

One of my mentors that I have looked up to growing up, has changed me in ways that I still can’t imagine. Every time when I would finish up my guitar lessons, I have always grabbed his attention and told him what happened; every time I had something on my mind or going on, he has always been there to give me support and say great words of wisdom.

My mentor told me on June 13th “I’m proud of you for making it this far. It takes a lot of love for music and determination as well.” Those heartfelt words came from my idol, Adam Gontier.

Every time Adam has told me he has written a new story, I would take the time to read it, brainstorm some ideas and thoughts and tell him what I think. It also gives me inspiration to write down some of my own ideas for my own writings and we feed off each other’s creativity.

Had I not been so creative in my life, I don’t know what type of person I’d become and what I would choose to do as a second choice of my hobbies. When professors at school asked their students what they wanted to be when they grow up, they always gave the same answers: doctors, lawyers, accountants, even therapists, but not many people mention anything in the creative fields, such as musicians, painters, audio techs in studios, photographers, sound techs for bands while out on tour, the list goes on.

If people were to open up their minds and see what else is out there in the world, instead of focusing on what they do in their everyday lives, they would stand a greater chance of being destined for greatness, no matter what they accomplish or how hard they put the effort into it.

So fellow readers and bloggers out there, I will leave you with a question to think about:

“If something or someone is holding you back from doing what YOU want to do, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?”

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Life as we know it!

“Don’t keep living your life in the “what if’s” because it will only make matters worse. Live in the “right now” and look how far you’ve gotten in your life” ~Sarah Jolin~

Have you ever woke up one morning and wondered what your life will turn out to be? I ask myself that question all the time and I still seek answers to this day.  There are so many people in the world who seek one special thing they want to keep close to their heart, and others that are lost souls just wanting to be loved and feel secured. I’ve experienced so much in my life that I find time is so precious and we should hold on to every moment, because you never know when it will all just crumble in your hands, and there’s nothing you can do to prevent it from happening.

People take things for granted and expect things to just be handed on a silver platter, but when that happens, they’re not satisfied and then they want more, and they’re still not happy. There will always be negative people in your life to push you down just because their life is terrible and you have the good life. Someone once told me that you just have to tune those negative people out and focus on what’s in front of you. There’s definitely one thing that I’ve gained in my life that I hold precious to my heart and that has opened up my mind to endless possibilities.

I’ve always been quite the observer and see people’s reactions towards others and wonder what it’s like to be in their shoes and live their daily lives. What fascinates me the most are a few musicians that I admire and follow along on social media and how they interact to their fans all around the world. If I’ve learned one thing from them is that they are regular day people, just have a more challenging life to live because they have to stay away from the crazy people, paparazzi, and just try to have a normal life when they’re not  touring.

There’s a famous quote that I can for sure relate to by Steve Jobs .
He said “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” What I can say to that is do what you love to do, work hard and make sure it’s worth while because there could be one day you wake up and you don’t feel happy anymore. I have been at my job for almost 8 years now, this coming August and I have settled in it. After close to an 11+ year hiatus of academics, I am now going back to school at 30 years old and taking a really fun course in Hotel Reception that I know I will succeed in long-term, because I know once I finish it and do something abroad, I will be ecstatic about and may never want to leave it. Who knows, I may be booking some fun celebrities and bands heading to a hotel wherever my heart lies and I apply to anywhere in the world.

It’s funny how life works in mysterious ways because you can have the best time of your life and enjoy it to the fullest, or you can have something tragic and your life falls apart, and there’s no one who can save you but yourself. You have to make sure you have positive people surrounding you to keep your body and mind alive and just enjoy it. Don’t take things for granted, take things one day and step at a time and watch out for whatever is thrown your way to prevent it from happening. You can never have the “perfect life” because there is no such thing as perfection. Everyone has their flaws and knows how to hide them. We just have to learn how to be ourselves around others and not show any falseness and let people see the real you.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.

I will leave you all with one last quote and question to answer yourselves and see what you can come up with.
 “There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.”

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My Musical Inspirations Part 3!

Hey everyone, welcome to 2016. Sorry for the long delay since my last blog. I was very busy with work, the holidays and getting back on track with my health and new projects in the making. I have finally gathered the courage to write my own music because one day in my life, I want the ones who have inspired me to take a look at what I’ve been going through and thank them for saving my life and letting me in their lives, per-say and get a better understanding of what I was going through growing up and relate to them. After all, we are all human and go through the same things in life. Let’s face it, no one in this world is perfect. We all make mistakes in our lives and work through them to get better and be stronger at what we have accomplished and feel proud at the end results.

My first song is not finished yet because I have been extremely busy and multi-tasking finding some inspiration from some artists & bands whom I have looked up to for a long time and they have all given me some great advice on how to write and what to look for so the listeners can relate. I cannot give too much away about it but what I can say is that the meaning of my first song is facing your fears in the unknown and having a guardian angel guiding you to the right path in life, no matter what you’re going through.My first song does sound dark at the beginning, but towards the end of it, the listeners get an answer that whoever is/was helping me out, they did a great job. I find that music defines a person on the way they write and what goes on in their minds.

I’m musically creative and have been playing the piano since I was 4 years old. I’m almost 30 now and I’m finally opening up my possibilities to learn a new instrument, aside from the piano and that one is the guitar. I’ve always had a dream that one day I’d be willing to gather up the courage and take lessons and enjoy it. I have already started taking my first guitar lesson on February 16th, 2016 and I am so happy that my teacher, Tavis Stanley (Art of Dying guitarist) said to me that I am already more advanced than all his students he has taught. I already have plenty of music knowledge from my prior piano lessons growing up, so it is going to be a fun experience now starting on the guitar and learning the fretting, chord progressions, etc. I’ve had a lot of great chances to meet my favorite bands I admire and that have given me the inspiration to do what I’ve always wanted to do.

The first band I’m talking about is a Canadian bands from Vancouver, BC called Art of Dying. I got to meet them and chat with them on a deeper level and gave each other feedback on music. Their lead singer Jonny Hetherington, lead guitarist Tavis Stanley, bass player Cale Gontier and drummer Jeff Brown all told me some great words of wisdom to go after what I want to do and never give up, no matter what I’m going through. These 4 amazingly talented guys write music because they love it and have a passion to, not because it’s an obligation. Their powerful lyrics send out a message to their fans and Die Hards to go after their dreams and work your butt off and all that hard work will pay off.

Adam and Cale are both cousins that are really close. The second band I admire so much is Adams band, Saint Asonia who is also a Canadian band formed in Toronto, Ontario, and they both hold a special place in my heart. Back on July.31st,2015 Adam Gontier (lead singer, rhythm guita) and Mike Mushok (lead guitar) did an interactive Q&A on Nikki Sixx -Ask Anything chat with their fans and it was posted on YouTube to ask questions and mine was chosen, among many others from around the world. I asked them “Whose inspired you ALL to become great musicians?” and they both gave me amazing answers of bands and artists that myself and my parents grew up listening too. Here is the link if you’d like to check it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bor2tWLsrs0 . I won’t tell you what time my question was asked. You just have to listen to it for yourselves and be surprised and amazed on what they say. I have met a few great people who are also fans of the bands Art of Dying and Saint Asonia. Their names are Kathy Bachand, Victoria Cherrington and Nikki May. Once I started getting to know them and chat with them, we started getting really close and our friendships keep growing every day.

On to a personal level, in my past I’ve had a lot of tragic things happen in my life and there was someone close to me that recently passed away, and he told me some inspirational words that always stuck with me. He said to me “Follow your heart and your dreams and they will lead you to great things in the future, and whatever you choose, make it count.”

Well so far, I have done a lot of great things in my life that I’m proud of. I said to myself that I would never get any tattoos, and I now have 5 of them that are very personal and have a lot of stories and meaning behind them.

A few years ago, I went to Las Vegas and my best friend Sabrina and I did a fun outing of the Grand Canyon and did the Sky-walk and I was always afraid of heights, so I faced my fear and it was the most unforgettable experience of my life. I saw so many great views of the canyon and the hoover dam. I even took a small 10 person plane and around the dam to see what it’s all about. It was so great that I want to back and do more over there in Vegas. This memory stuck with me because I always told my best friend that I would never want to be in a high place, and she told me to trust her. Well, funny enough, I did, and I forgot what I was missing out on. It was so exhilarating and breath-taking that I am still telling people presently of how my first experience went.

Had I not been involved with music in my life and not followed my dreams, I would be a completely different person and done something else that I would not enjoy doing. Music is such an important thing to a lot of people who are very creative, because it helps them live, breathe and go on journeys that they have never been on before with their family, friends and fans. Just to hear one person do a random act of kindness to someone and say “take a listen to this song and it will change your perspective on things” makes all your worry and sorrows go away and you become a completely changed person that can conquer anything you set your mind to do. I for one am a strong believer that if you put your heart and soul to do whatever you have a goal set on, you will be amazed on what you have done and others will turn to you for advice and tips on what got you started.

I guess you can say that I’m a motivational and inspirational person because I, among a billion of people from around the world, are going through the same thing I am, so we are not alone and can relate and get great feedback off each other.

One final note to say: Thank you to all of those who have believed in me and been through my journey and help me out along the way to become an independent woman. I have spoken to a lot of inspirational people who have shared their personal stories with me and I am returning the favor to do the same back to them. I would not be the most bubbly person with such a great positive attitude and cheer people up, had I not been creative in music and share all this with you.

I will leave you with this inspirational quote. “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”– John F. Kennedy

THANK YOU!

 

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