Sarah – Felicia
Kathy – Shauna
Vera – Charlotte
Adam – Markus
Cale – Theo
Sean – Jace
Jeanie – Marie
Ryan – Adam
2 years later and so many things have been going on with our amazing crew. Markus and Theo have been working on their music for a while; Charlotte has been running her own B&B down in the south of Alabama ya’ll; Shauna has been busy with her own personal things back home in Ohiiiio; Marie has had an adorable baby boy Wade and keeping busy with her job on the side; Jace has been a super-dad/ghost hunter fighting crime to save the world from evil spirits and keeping up with a teenage son Adam whose just trying to have a “normal life as a teen”.
That being said from our amazing crew, Felicia here has been busy working in a luxurious hotel in Vienna working as a receptionist. One night while I’m working my shift, I get a strange phone call from Theo’s management to set up a few rooms in a private sector with a back entrance. That was all done and the next day during my shift, I see a very good looking and extremely tall man come in the entrance that looked so familiar. “Hi I’m Theo. I’ve heard so much about you and I know you follow my band “Art of Dying”. My manager Benjamin Burnley tells me that you have some rooms aside for us in your hotel. I would also need to make some special requests to add 6 additional rooms for my special guests and also a luxurious suite with a view of the city on the top floor, since a little birdy told me you are a fan of our music. and after your shift is over, please wear something fancy that’s not your work clothes and meet me back here.”
That same night after my shift was over, I go change into a sexy green dress with my hair all done up and my makeup done, which looked like a professional artist did, and I go to the entrance and I find Theo wearing my favorite color dressy shirt and pants waiting to escort me to the parking lot and said that I had to close my eyes and he’d guide me there. I heard a very familiar voice and felt a very warm hug and I heard “Okay Felicia, you can open your eyes.” I’m then star-struck to see that my idol and inspiration Markus is standing right in front of me with the biggest grin on his face with his beautiful wife Marie by his side and with her southern accent she says “Hey doll, I’m Marie, Markus’ other half and oh my gosh, it’s such a great pleasure to meet ya’ll. I have a few other surprises who are dying to meet you finally.”
Just as I pictured them in my mind what Charlotte, Shauna, Jace, Adam and Marie looked like, came to life. Shauna was my twin red-headed gal who had an accent from the south being from Ohio and she and I became really close friends. Charlotte was an adorable little southern charm angel, married to Jace and standing there was their step-son Adam who was thrilled to be there too by their side. Jace stuck out as the tallest one of the bunch with his Irish charming accent and looks, 6 ft 6 towering over his 2 best friends (Markus and Theo) and myself of course who was a shortie 5 ft 3 red-headed troublesome woman.
I guess you can say I had secrets of my own that will be revealed. What the others didn’t know was that while Theo had a lot of time off, he and I had been serious for a few years and been dating a lot with the whole long-distance relationship. All the others knew he had been acting a little odd that night, and out onf the corner of my eye, I see Theo walking towards me with that huge twinkle in his eye and he looked nervous. Everybody knew what he was up to and he totally caught me off-guard and bent down on one knee and with these words he said “Felicia, from the moment we met, you stole my heart. There’s not a day that’s gone by that I haven’t stopped loving you and constantly thought about you. Markus and Marie knew that you were the one when I kept talking about you all the time to them, and saw that I was finally happy and found my life partner, my best friend, and hopefully my wife. Felicia, from here on out, I am asking you these words “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”
I looked at Theo with tears running down my face and replied “WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG YOU GOOF? I knew from the moment we met we were complete, and I have always thought about you every second of every day. I promise to love you and honor you from this day forward and I will be honored for you to be my husband.” Theo placed the huge 15 karat canary yellow engagement ring on my finger and I jumped in his arms and gave him a big lingering kiss and said “I love you and I am proud to be your rocker wife-to-be”
Stay tuned for more on Chapter 3 coming…SOON!!!
If you are reading this, you’ve survived your life until this point. Heartbreaks, Losses, Betrayals, trauma. And here you are. You go fierce warrior. YOU are awesome.
Who said that we all live perfect lives without any struggles and every day tasks? If someone can answer me this, then you clearly haven’t had any issues to deal with and you have everything handed to you on a silver platter. I can honestly speak for myself and say that my life isn’t perfect at all. I go through so many difficult challenges and struggles, that I start to question my sanity level. Am I normal? What is my purpose here on earth? What does my higher power have in store for me when I pass away? All these questions float in my head and then I feel my anxiety levels rise and I start to get panic attacks.
I have had my fair share of heartbreaks, losses, betrayals and definitely traumatic events that have scarred me for life. Sure, I have people I can count on for friendly advice, a shoulder to cry on, and that’s great; but while they’re doing all that, I’m the one that is still suffering in silence and then I ask myself “are they really concerned about me, or telling me anything I want to hear an talking to a wall because I am the only one who can fix myself?” To give you an honest answer, they ARE concerned and worried about me and since I am very stubborn as a Leo, I tend to steer clear and think my problems will sort itself out, and then I end up hurting myself emotionally.
Mental health is such a huge concern for myself and for others out there and I now understand that suffering in silence only ends badly. It can be caused by drugs, alcohol, depression, suicide, divorce, the list goes on. If we can all take just a few minutes to breathe and chill out, go for a walk, meditate (if that’s your thing), listen to music and sing at the top of your lungs, whatever it may be, FIND SOMETHING TO GET YOU TO HEAL IN A POSITIVE WAY.
I speak from experience when I say that I am a victim of mental health and dealing with an alcoholic father for the past 15 years, and for the past few years, he has gone to rehab three times and failed to complete the program, and thought he can do better. I have been the only person in my family that has been trying to get him help and he pretends he is doing great, but only I know he is suffering in silence through his alcohol. Pretty soon I will be so exhausted to get him the help he needs that I will want to give up on him, and he has to hit rock bottom and realize what damage he’s done to not only himself, but his family who has been slowly giving up on him.
It was hard for me to talk about my personal life and about mental health for the longest time because I thought that all my problems and worrries would go away on its own. I now understand WHAT they all are and now I am going to seek help by seeing a therapist and working my way to a better and healthier lifestyle, without the negativity thrown at me, I WILL finally breathe again.
I have made a vow to myself to slowly get better, healthier, find projects that will keep me busy long-term, such as writing my blogs, writing and creating my own new music, finding hobbies outside of the house to get me active and meet new people. I NEVER said it will done overnight. I am taking as much time to find myself again and I WANT to be more positive.
I have a HUGE list of people to thank for keeping me going and never wanting me to give up. ADAM & JEANIE GONTIER; CALE GONTIER; SEAN ARCHER; SABRINA (MY BESTIE); KATHY BACHAND; VERA CASE; GEORGE PSEVDIOTIS; RAVEN MACKEY; OBVIOUSLY MY FAMILY BECAUSE WITHOUT THEM I WOULDN’T BE HERE; MY LIST IS ENDLESS. Without all of you here pushing me and guiding me in the right direction; I wouldn’t be doing half the things I’ve accomplished today, and I would have been a completely different person and no one would recognize me. The world is a scary place full of the unknown, and it’s up to YOU to make a statement and be out there and make a name for yourself.
I would like to personally thank Adam Gontier for your faith, kindness, passion, patience, and of course your amazing words of wisdom you have given me for the past few years to help me be the strong-willed woman I am today. You have such an amazing heart and I am forever grateful to be alive and healthy because of you. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of the wonderful, amazingly talented artist and human being you are, and it’s all because of you that I am still writing my blogs, starting my own music that I have been struggling with for 3 years, and you keep pushing and motivating me to never give up, never surrender. IF THERE’S AN IDOL AND INSPIRATION I WILL FOREVER CHERISH, IT’S DEFINITELY YOU. YOU ARE THE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, SUNSHINE AFTER A CLOUDY DAY, I CAN GO ON, AND I WILL AWLAYS SAY THAT YOU ARE MY #1 PERSON!
I will like to leave you readers with a few quotes for thought to take into consideration and think before taking action.
“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.” ~ Guy Finley
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell
“I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.” ~ Alex Elle
“Every single day, do something that makes your heart sing.” ~ Marcia Wieder
What a crazy year this has been for me. When the year begun, I was still in my Hotel Reception course and things were going rough for a while but as the months progressed, I was on the right track and just when I realized, September rolled around and I had completed it. Of course, I had a lot of help along the way with my family and friends supporting and guiding me to finish it, I had a 3 week internship which went surprisingly well that landed me a front desk receptionist job and now I am working at the best hotel near home.
I had some great concerts I attended this summer before like Metallica featuring Avenged Sevenfold and Volbeat before my birthday and Guns and Roses featuring Our Lady Peace after my birthday in July and unfortunately one I was going to attend with a great friend of mine in August, she got me tickets to see Linkin Park and Chester Bennington had passed away from suicide 4 days before my birthday on July 20th, 2017. It is still heartbreaking that I had been a huge fan of them and I still hung on to their tickets and I can’t bring myself to throw them away. Suicide is such a terrible illness along side depression. If you or anyone else know is going through depression, don’t be afraid to seek help from family and friends for their support and don’t give up.
Friendships this year have been quite a blessing. I can’t believe all my friends I can call family such as Adam Gontier, Cale Gontier, Kathy, Sean and Vera, the Saint Asonia boys, the Art of Dying boys along with many more names that are too long to mention, have been a huge impact in my life and I am so thankful for them being in my life. I remember the first time I met everyone, I was extremely shy and nervous to speak with them all and now 2 years later after getting to know them, I have blossomed to a social butterfly and can’t stop talking to them constantly. It’s amazing how many friends come into people’s lives because you never know who to trust and you can call your real friends.
I had a lot of things that happened in my personal life which I unfortunately can’t talk about, but a few of them are family related and at least 2 of them are positive which will be even more positive as the new year begins. It’s funny when you think about the little things that go on in our lives that make such a big impact, we discover that we are so fortunate for the outcomes and are happy about it in the end.
For what’s to come in 2018, I will make a promise to myself to be more positive in everything that’s thrown at me, focus on what will make me happy in the long run and do what makes me want to succeed in the long run and make a big impact to those who told me that I can’t do what I’ve been dreaming of doing since I was a little girl. I will make a difference in the world and I will have no one get in my way because I am pushing all the negativity out and engaging just positive feedback. I will also make such big personal changes in my life to have a healthy lifestyle and never give up, never surrender!
Happy New Year 2018 to everyone and make 2018 a positive and great year ahead!!!
Having great inspirations, and people making an imprint on your life are the greatest feelings in the world. I speak from experience, past and present, since a lot of my peers have all that for me, to keep me grounded and give me hope for the future.
Neil deGrasse Tyson quoted “Passion is what gets you through the hardest times that might otherwise make strong men weak, or make you give up.” In my opinion, that means that you have to put a lot of effort in whatever you do in your life, whether it be career, love or anything else that makes you succeed, and having someone who has made such a huge impact on your life that can definitely shape and mold you to become unstoppable.
I worked hard to be where I am in my life and I’ve had a lot of challenges thrown my way, obstacles I had to face head on, and I had to find loopholes to work my way out of them to be a free spirited woman. I am not a complicated person but there are only a few things that keep me grounded: Music, Creative Arts, Family, last but not least my Future Career/Personal Life when I get much older and finally start understanding what it’s like to be successful and life the life I want to live, not by following rules and having a dictator telling me how to do things a certain manner. Had I not had any of those I mentioned, I would be a lost soul and just want to give up on myself.
Something that goes hand in hand with music is depression and it’s an evil master that not only grips your mind and makes you doubt your sanity, but takes your heart as well and makes you feel as if you are unworthy. What I’ve learned over the years is that you have to fight the darkness with light, and make sure that you don’t go down a dark path of hatred and guilt that someone could have saved you, and you turned your cheek and ignored them. There were times when I went to others when I needed help and they would ignore me at times and when I sunk to my dark place, they finally saw that I wasn’t kidding around and really needed saving, which they did so and I am now out of the darkness and into the light.
Instead of turning to drugs and alcohol to make me feel better, I use my music, and creative talents to good use, that I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to and the end results are priceless. It’s hard for me to open up to new people at first, but once I’ve warmed up to them and we strike up conversations that I am fond of, you should see my eyes light up like a light bulb. It’s like I get a twinkle in my eyes when I speak about something I’m so passionate about and I can talk about it for hours on end. I’m not really into being with a big group of people, but show me any type of creative thing like music and anything artistic, you have given me your full attention and it’s an amazing feeling.
I’ve always tried to follow in someone’s footsteps growing up, but it was hard to keep up, and I decided to be my own person and independant by doing what I want to make myself known, happy and accomplish what I have started from the beginning and once I complete it all, no one can stop me from going further. I guess what I’m trying to say is that no matter how life is and how hard things may get for you, make sure to pick yourself off the floor and sweep all the negative away for good, and people will see a huge change in your attitude and appearance. Trust me, I speak from past experienes in my life and I have gone through so much that I now know what signs to look out for and who I can trust.
One day when I have the courage to fight my own battles and seek the darkness instead of the light, I will be better at peace with myself. Instead of going to talk to a therapist about my issues, which would cost a lot of money and waste my time I don’t have, I rather focus on my writing, my music and admiration to those who want to see what goes on in my life. Writing about what I love and those who have helped me along the way are what get me by to be alive. I’m so grateful to have some awesome people in my life that have helped me through my darkness, and when I need someone to talk to about whatever is on my mind, there’s always someone I can reach out to, doesn’t matter what time it is.
There’s a “old but newly discovered” group I have finally gotten a chance to see in concert this summer, a week before my 31st birthday on July 19th,2017 and that band is Avenged Sevenfold who opened up for Metallica and I fell in love with them and their music and their thoughtful words they mentioned to their fans that “No matter who you lost in your life, they will always watch out for you and wait for you on the other side.” I think what Matt Shadows meant by those words was that 7 years ago when they were last here in Montreal,Quebec right after Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan passed away, they were afraid to play again because it’s what marked their career change, and the Montreal fans changed that for the better.
These talented guys have put so much effort in their work and write such powerful lyrics that speak from the heart and I can totally relate to them in different ways. Some of their funny songs make you wonder “what the hell were they thinking when they wrote those words” and I know for a fact that the fans can give them great feedback and put a smile on their faces. Every artist and band I support, I love seeing the satisfaction they put for every show and give it their all. Don’t forget, all these artists started out as everyday people with a goal to become successful. It didn’t happen overnight. To become that you have to work your way up to the top because wouldn’t it suck if it was just handed to you on a silver platter without putting in the blood, sweat and tears to make it great? Think about it…
Ever heard the expression “Your emotions get the best/worst of you?” I’m sure you have and always wondered how you can control them to not go so far deep into a depression and scare off your loved ones. There’s a new song that I have now gotten attached to by Linkin Park called “Heavy” featuring Kiiara and that song talks about your deepest darkest inner-demons you battle and face all the time. Whether it be a loss of someone close to you, human or a pet; a fight with friends and family that lead you to breaking it off; a struggle in your daily life. You always have to remember that fear and depression are not the answer. Shed some light by speaking out to someone to get you out of the dark and into the light of happiness.
Depression is a cruel evil master that not only grips your mind and makes you doubt your sanity, but it takes your heart as well and makes you feel as if you are unworthy of good and pure love. What I’ve learned over the years is that you have to fight the darkness with the light and make sure that you don’t go down a dark path of hatred and guilt that someone could have saved you, and you turned your cheek and you chose to ignore them. Through the hardest times I’ve turned to others for help when I needed it the most and they helped me get out of the darkness and into the light.
I have been going through a lot of things in my personal life that have affected me deeply and it’s taken a toll on my health and emotional levels. I have had some attempts to go to my dark place and never wanting to get out. I have had some people being dishonest with me by not speaking about issues that I might have caused or brought up to their attention from my/their past and it has affected me deeply because that includes being open and trusting so we can keep the peace and live our lives on good terms.
If people were to let go of their bad sides and focus on the good, a lot of good can come out and they won’t have to fear that someone is out to get them and they can be at peace. A dear friend of mine, Adam Gontier, once told me that it’s always best to find that one person who you can confide in to talk about your issues to show them that you are not alone in this world and that every human being and pet have their bad days. We are all in this together and we all have to realize that no one is perfect in this world. We all go through things in our daily lives and struggle daily to stay alive.
I recently have had a loss in my family who has been with me for the past 14 years (my dog Lewis) and it has been the most difficult process I had to go through with my family. We didn’t want to see him suffer and it was time for him to be at peace and be with my other dog Kayla who passed away a few years ago. I am a pet lover and thankful to have been with these 2 and now my adorable cat Yoda who has been in my life for 3 years and fortunate enough to have bonded with Lewis.
I’ve always told myself that instead of turning to drugs and alcohol, I use my music and creative talents to good use, and I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to, and the end results are priceless. It’s hard for me to open up to new people at first, but once I’ve warmed up to them about a fun topic that I admire, I can strike up conversations and people have to stop me from talking so much. I’m not really into being with a large group of people, but show me any type of creative thing like music and anything artistic, I have my full attention and it’s such a heartfelt feeling to remember and put a smile on my face.
I guess what I’m tying to say is that no matter how life is and how hard things may get for you, make sure to pick up the pieces on the floor and sweep up the negative away forever, and people will see a huge change in your attitude and appearance. Trust me, going back to what I previously mentioned about things from my past experiences in my life I went through, I have gone through so much that I now know who I can trust completely and those that I can call my family and friends because we understand each other.
One day when I have the courage to fight my own battles, seek the light instead of darkness and I will be more at peace with myself. Instead of going to waste money on a therapist who thinks they know the answers to my problems, which they don’t, I rather put all my focus on my writing, music and devotion to those who want to see what goes on in my daily life. Writing about what I love and those who have helped me along the way are what get me by to be alive. I’m so honored and grateful to have such awesome people in my life that their names won’t matter because they have imprinted on my heart and thank you is not enough to say it to them.
My world is brighter and more beautiful because of all of you. The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. LASTLY ONE FINAL THING TO SAY:
Thank you ALL for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever!!!
Welcome everyone to 2017, or already 3 months in to March. What a crazy beginning of 2017 I’ve had so far. This is definitely a year of changes from home, school and personal things going on in my life. Without the support I’ve been getting through my difficult times, I wouldn’t be where I am today. The late David Bowie wrote a great song called “Changes” and there’s a lyric in his song that struck me and something that I can truly relate to. “A million dead-end streets; And every time I thought I’d got it made;
It seemed the taste was not so sweet”
I think what that means to me is that no matter where you are in your life, there will ALWAYS be some dead ends and loopholes that you have to try getting out of and find the ones who can motivate and inspire you to do great things and keep you going strong. The ones who have done that to me recently are all the guys in Art of Dying: Cale Gontier, Cody Watkins, Jonny Hetherington, Tavis Stanley and Adam Gontier (cousin of Cale and in a kickass band Saint Asonia). I do have more to name but you know who you are. All of you have changed me in ways that I still can’t explain. You have opened me up to new horizons, told me that no matter what I’m going through to never quit, keep a strong head on my shoulders and always push away the negativity. I always found that music soothes the savage beast in all of us no matter what we need it for. I use music to escape, drown out my sorrows and worries and let it take me to places far away and just be.
I am going through the most difficult change right now going back to school after over 10 years and went into a trade program Hotel Reception back in September,2016 and I’m already 3/4 finshed. I had some hard times getting through a few modules and I wanted to give up entirely on it. Someone really close to me told me to never give up and finish what I started. I had my doubts and wanted to just run away from my problems and let someone else take care of them for a change. He said to me that he has faith in me to continue and he’s been inspired by me to go back to school and be something greater to make a better career out of it. I have now gathered up the courage and built up some strength to go all the way and see the “light at the end of the tunnel” which means school and to feel proud of my accomplishments.
My all-time favorite lyrics I love quoted by Art of Dying and Saint Asonia are “If it takes forever, I will DIE TRYING”; “If I can Get Thru This, I can Get Thru ANYTHING”; “I am doing the Best I Can, with EVERYTHING I am, don’t you know NOBODY’S PERFECT” “I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but I can finally breathe again, Life’s too short, the day’s too long,In the end I knew it all along” and lastly “Let me live my life, I can go get my knife, or I can pull out the one that you stuck in my back”.
All of these amazings lines have touched me in different ways. I mean come on, if you think logically, we all interpret what it means to us right? These amazing bands and artists are sending messages to their fans that there is nothing perfect in our worlds. We all screw up and we all have our flaws. I have not met one person who had everything handed to them on a silver platter and asked for more and had a perect life because there is no such thing as perfect. We all work hard for what we want and never give up until our time is up. Changes are either a great thing, or a bad thing, depends how you see it.
I, for one am now seeing my changes progress and I evolve every second of every day to make sure that I don’t get lost along the way and have my peers keep me grounded and secure. I don’t realize this enough but I take nothing for granted. I am a hard-working individual, I make mistakes, yes I worry at times about what my future holds, but that’s what makes me who I am. If we didn’t have doubts and worries in our lives, what would make us question things and have to search for answers? It would be too easy to have things given to you right? I know I wouldn’t like that since I am a strong-willed person who has the mind of a more mature person that I am now in my 30s.
If I didn’t have all this chaos going on right now, I would be very lost and be stuck wondering what would be going on in my life, had I not gone back to school, met some awesome people and start living the life I want to live and forget about everything bad thrown my way. People who have gotten to know me call me an inspiration and my words of wisdow have broaden their horizons to do great things. I don’t say it enough but THANK YOU for the ones who say it to me.
Lastly I want to leave you on this to think about. No matter what struggles you are all going through and think of going to the bottom and giving up on EVERYTHING, ask your self these questions, 1:Can you name one person at the top of you head who has made an impact on your life? 2:What was that impact/how did it affect your thoughts? 3: If you can tell that person some excellent words of wisdom that was passed on to you, what would you tell them?
I’ll leave this quote that I found perfect to end up this first blog of 2017. “Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.”